Criticism is something every single one of us has to put up with every single day. You can't run away from it. Not even being genius would help. For most of us – in my opinion – criticism is good. And it doesn't have to be real criticism, only simple pointing out the mistakes you've made helps too. I mean, how can people learn anything at all if they have no idea what they do wrong? How can a person know what he needs to improve himself at if he has no idea what he sucks at? Really, it all makes sense and it is this simple.
But there are special cases – like myself – who are really not that good at accepting criticism. Of course, once you are proud of something you did, it always hurts to hear that it's really not that great. But for unknown reasons some of us are OVERLY sensitive when it comes to pointing out mistakes. I don't know where exactly the problem is, but I do feel extremly bad every time I hear I did something wrong (which is several times a day).
I even hate it when people disagree with me (some of them anyway). I've been told that not having your own opinion is bad. But once you have one, there is always someone thinking your opinion is bad too. There is no way to be good and right in this world (...I say to myself in a moment of great pessimism). But really, most of the time I don't have my way of looking at things. I feel that I never know enough about the problem, therefore I can't make any conclusions about it.
Right. I know. You should do things your own way and once you're being criticized or told about what you did wrong you should be able to support your opinion, work or anything... or accept the criticism without taking it personally and try to be better next time. But that's not me.
What does sound more like me is saying „I know, I'm an idiot (even if the other person doesn't mention that part at all), you're absolutely right, I know about this mistake too, yeah...“ and listening to a gigantic red alarm in my head yelling at me „FAIL! FAIL! You're so dumb! Why do you show your work to people!? What do you think, that they'll say you're good? When your not? Honestly girl, now they're all thinking you're stupid. And they're right!“ ...and blah blah blah. I know in my head that this is not true, but in my heart I can't get rid of the feeling.
So now you know why I give up on everything I start. It's enough for me to hear „yes, this is really good but why don't you add ---- to it? Don't you think it'll be even better?“ Yes, even that puts my self confidence down. Only the simple thought of someone being good at what I want to be good at makes me want to give up, thinking „I'll never be this good“.
I'm not trying to say anything like „poor me“ here. I realize how bad all this is not just for me and my work and future but also for the people around me. I know I'm never going to improve myself at anything if I don't learn not to take criticism personally or if I don't stop worrying about being wrong all the time. But it's really hard.
Someone: „you wanna learn this? Cool! First, you have to do it like this... it's easier than the way you've been doing it. But you're really good for a beginner, honestly.“
Me (saying): „okay“
(thinking): „Nooo not again, see how bad I am? Oh god! Why do I even frickin try!?“
You can't be good at everything. You can't agree with everyone. That's a fact. Making mistakes is human. Now I'm not just talking to myself but to everyone. I'm trying to figure out what effect criticism has on people... and not just the good part.
If anyone has any idea on how to get over this and learn to be yourself without feeling the worst way possible, please comment bellow or tell me any other way. Facebook, msn, skype, icq, email works too. Thanks a lot.
PS: Feel free to criticize what I wrote. Don't worry that I'll feel bad. I need to know what I did wrong no matter what. =)