Kat doesn't know.

hey so one day I was really bored (and I'm pretty sure it was today, but I'm a little bored every day) and so I started thinking (not like I don't think all the time anyway). And while I was thinking, I asked myself a question "What happens when you die?". And then I realized that I don't know. My parents believe in something, my friends believe in something else, everyone believes in different things. And so I asked myself another question: "If you don't know, aren't you afraid? Aren't you afraid of dying?". Wouldn't it make sense? I mean... People are always afraid of things they don't know. They are afraid of things they aren't sure about.. Like dark. Many people are afraid of dark. I am not. But that's not important. Some people are afraid of the future. Some people are afraid of what other people think. And most of the people are afraid of dying. I am not. I am not lying. I'm not afraid. Do you think I'm crazy? Of course I am afraid that I might die before I do something useful here. And before I have some fun. But when I'm old, I won't be afraid of dying. But the thing is... what happens when you die? I mean... where do you go? Don't try to tell me there is nothing after death. Like some kind of hole, dark, emptiness... no. There's something. But what? Christians say that you go to heaven. If you are a bad person OR if you are not christian, you go to hell. I don't want to go to hell. So let's hope this is not true. Some other people say that when you die, there comes an angel who helps you find the way to the light... the light is a place where all the souls go... and then you watch what happened to you when you were alive, what you learned, what good and bad things you did, and all that stuff. And when you are done, you go and choose another body, another story, another life - to learn what you need to learn (because you always need to learn more). To suffer if you need to suffer, to enjoy life and have fun, if you can. That sounds pretty cool. I like that. Do you think it is true? Who knows? Not me. I don't know what is right, I don't know what to believe. But I'm not saying this is the time for you to tell me that what you believe is right and what I should do. No. To be honest, I hate when other people tell me what to do. It's the time for me to think, read, and then decide. Most of the people believe in what their parents believed in. They don't have the right to make a choice. I do. So... that's all. I would tell you something more, but as I said, I need to think a lot. And read a lot. And talk to a lot of people. Like you. Tell me what you think. Thanks. :)

Zdravim.

Tak tady zase sedim na hodine americky historie, a vzhledem k tomu ze nemuzu pracovat na tech poznamkovejch kartickach ktery sem byla nucena odevzdat pred dvema hodinama, nemam co delat. Teda... muzu rasit rubikovu kostku, coz delam skoro furt, nebo muzu pracovat na tom naramku pro Matta, muzu proste jenom spat (coz bych asi nemela), nebo muzu zabit Tobiho kerej sedi za mnou a NEHORAZNE ME SERE! :D pardon. Obviously ale nedelam nic z toho, protoze vam pisu. Tuhle sem tak premejslela co dela cloveka specialnim, lepsim, a o duvodech proc ma cloveka nekdo rad. Napadly me ruzny veci. Treba jestli kdyz ste v necem hodne dobry, lidi vas maj radsi. Jo. O tom uz sem v zivote premejslela nekolikrat. Vzdycky kdyz se me nekdo zeptal na ten muj perfekcionismus, proc se sebou nejsem spokojena a takovy veci. Duvod je, ze chci bejt lepsi, prfektni, protoze pak na me lidi muzou bejt pysny, a muzou me mit radsi. Je to jedna velka lez a ja to vim, ale to je jak se divam na svet. Tuhle sem nekde cetla, ze kdyz dlouho, hlasite a intenzivne opakujete lez, zacne se obecne prijimat jako pravda. Mysim, ze kdyz budu lepsi, nejlepsi, perfektni, lidi me budou mit radi. Nemaj. Ani ja se nemam rada. Protoze nejsem dobra, perfektni. Nejsem. Nikdo neni. Ale lidi kolem me sou pekny, cool, chytry, dobry, vedi co chtej a jdou si za tim, zajimavy, sebevedomy, umej zpivat, hrat, tancit, rozumej pocitacum, matice a ostatnim vedam, jsou dobry ve sportech, bohaty a maj spoustu pratel. Stravila sem hodiny premejslenim proc by lidi meli bejt radi ME. Umim vyresit rubikovu kostku, rovnici o trech neznamejch, umim udelat naramek pratelstvi. Znam americkou prisahu vlajce, otcenas ve dvou jazycich a takovy ty veci jak je umej vsichni, jako cist, psat a pocitat. Nevim co chci v zivote, jediny co vim je ze chci bydlet v Carnegie Library v Oaklandu. To je cely. Nejsem lepsi nez ostatni, v nicem. Nejsem dobra ani v bytim mnou. Nejsem v nicem, vubec nicem lepsi nez ostatni. Muzete rict: podivej se na to z ty lepsi stranky - nejsi uplne blba, jsi zdrava a bla bla bla, nemas si na co stezovat. Nemam. To jsem ja. Ja si stezuju v jednom kuse. To je jedna z nejhorsich veci co muzete delat. Stezovanim pritahujete problemy. Neco nejde? Nestezuj si, a snaz se. Nikdy to nevzdavej. Ja to nevzdavam. Uz sem toho v zivote zkusila spoustu a v nicem sem nebyla dobra. A vzdala sem to? Ne. Porad chci bejt perfektni, porad chci zkusit vic a naucit se vic. No hele, rozvadela bych to tu donekonecna, ale za chvili musim na obed. Takze... what did we learn today? Ze lidi nemaj duvod me mit radi. To taky vysvetluje proc me radi nemaj. A kdyz me maj radi, sem krava blba a sem na ne zla. Tak to je dycky. Mate me radi? Za to si zaplatite! Nedelam to naschval. Jsem proste jen zavistiva. Tak pa.

Ajojkyyyyyy

Jojky lidicky :D tak vam zase jednou pisu. Pokud ste to necetli, asi jste si minimalne vsimli, ze se nam tu objevily nejake ty clanecky v angline. To ne proto, ze vas nemam rada a nechci abyste to cetli, naopak, ja vas miluju :-* Je to proto, ze si moji amici vsimli, ze dost pisiu na blog a tak, a i o tom dost mluvim a tak, tak prej "tak napis neco anglicky at taky mozem cist"... no to mi rekli tak v prosinci nebo kdy, a ted sem se konecne k tomu dokopala. Na facebooku sem jen rekla "tak konecne takyu pisu anglicky, prectete si to" a cetlo to fakt dost lidi. Nekomentujou, protoze ty komentare jsou cesky, komentovali to na fb a icq a takovejch vecech. Fakt sem koukala. Tak ted budu tak nejak psat v jakym jazyce se mi to zalibi. Nejspis to budu stridat nebo tak neco. Minimalne nez me ta anglina prestane bavit, coz bude nejakou dobu po tom co prijedu domu. Bohuzel. Ale kdo vi, treba ne. Tak vam tak nejak zase musim napsat co je novyho, protoze to se slusi a patri, vim ze vas to stejne nezajima. Ale i tak. Takze... veskerej volnej cas ted travim (nebo se aspon snazim, popravde se mi to moc nedari :D) nad JPR = Junior Research Project. Moje tema je The Manhattan Project, Hiroshima a Nagasaki - jak to ovlivnilo historii a tak. Nuda. 5 stranek. Cvokarna. :D nejrac bych napsala 5 stranek o cem chci - coz by nemelo NIC spolecnyho s historii - a kdyz uz, proste bych to napsala. Oni to tu na to maj takovej zvlastni postup, jakoze musis si nejdriv vybrat zdroje a napsat je, to ti zkontrolujou a oznamkujou, pak note-cards, musim jich mit padestat do patku, proste jenom poznamky, to taky zkontrolujou a oznamkujou, pak osnova atd... je to zajimavy. A jinak se tu asi nic nedeje. Venku je hnusne. Prselo, nekdy. Asi vcera, nevim. Je to jedno. Taky se nam to porad blizi, jako kdyz pojedu domu. Moc se mi nechce, to snad chapete. Ale je jako "nervovy zhrouceni, totalni deprese, pohreb", ale jako "ok, nechce se mi, no a co. Domu jedu, bude sranda, castecne se taky tesim, to bude v pohode". Mam vas rada. Taky se nam blizi Kennywood day, to je den kdy cela skola ma volno a jde se do Kennywoodu. Budou tam deswny fronty, ale co. Bude to hustarna :D jdu s Alyssou, Jonem, Casey, Tori, Megan, Stevem a Danem. Becca jde se svou bandou kamaradek. Este sem chtela jit s Mattem, Johannou a jinejma lidmama, ale to uz by nas bylo moc i na 2 auta, to je fakt trochu velka banda. A jinak asi nic. Jdu na obed. Neska je streda = nejsou hranolky. skoda. Tak papa

Hey guys...

...so I was kinda surprised because I didn't expect too many people (who don't know Czech) to read my blog last time. It made me happy. So... I'm typing in English again :) To be honest, my mom complained. She was like "How am I supposed to read this? I don't know English! There's no point in you speaking English to your Czech people." So guess what I told her? "Dear mother. It is no one's problem but yours. This blog wasn't made for you. I write for all of my friends, and as you know, I have more friends in the US than in the Czech." And don't tell me it doesn't make sense. Because it does. So starting now I'm going to use both languages. Sometimes Czech, sometimes English. As long as you read it, of course. Anyway, what do you want me to write about? If there are any suggestions, tell me. Because I really don't know... but I know how to solve problems. Sometimes. So I googled "essay topics" and randomly picked:
HIKING TO UNDERSTANDING THE SELF.
wtf? what kind of topic is that? Well, hiking is cool. It is, really. But you have to hike either all alone somewhere where you like it, or with people you like no matter where. I don't know what hiking has in common with understanding the self. No clue. Maybe they meant it like when you're hiking, you think about stuff. Or I don't know. I am a thinking person. I don't need anything to make me think about stuff. No hiking, no jogging, no swimming, no drawing or reading. You know me guys. I live in my own world and amazing things happen there ;) ;) Ok, when I read a book, it makes me think differently, it gives me new topics and things to think about. It gives me new ways to look at stuff. Reading books is amazing. But that has nothing to do with hiking. Well. Hiking may help, but it is not necessary for understanding the self. And what did i figure out? That this is amazingly bad essay topic. Next time I won't pick it randomly :) anyway. If anyone wants to go hiking with me, let me know :) :)

Když někoho ztratíš...

...a nemyslim když někdo umře. Ale je to víceméně stejný. Když potkáš člověka co si s nim rozumíš... a pak ho ztratíš... když ztratíš přítele, někoho na kom ti záleží... když se musíš rozloučit, bez ohledu na to jestli se ti to líbí nebo ne... když se pohádáš a není čas to napravit... když se stěhuješ... když měníš školu... kdykoli když musíš říct "bye".....
...to bolí. A pak se ptáš jakto že musíš žít (a vycházet) s lidma co nemáš rád/a, v jednom domě, v jedný škole, v jednom městě, v jednom světě. V přítonosti lidí co z tebe nedělají šťastýho člověka. A řekla bych, že každej z nás má ve svym srdci místo zaručený pro lidi co nás dělají šťastnýma, na který se těšíme nebo na který rádi vzpomínáme, lidi v jejichž přítonosti se cejtíme dobře. Říkej si co chceš, ale pokud se mnou nesouhlasíš, lžeš sám (sama) sobě. Každej má takový lidi. A pak se ptáš proč je celej svět obrácenej vzhůru nohama, proč nemůžeš bejt s lidma se kterejma ti je dobře, dělat věci který ti dělaj radost a užít si život. Proč musíš žít podle pravidel který pro tebe připravili jiný lidi... Proč nemůžeš bejt prostě happy. Já vim proč ne. Nejsem hloupá. Vim že to nejde. Vim že tohle zní super naivně, ale to je prostě jak se v tuhle chvíli cejtim.